Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
