I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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