i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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