btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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