I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
