2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
