We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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