I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
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No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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