We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
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Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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