It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
