Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
