I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
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Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
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How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'd cum for enchiladas.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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