we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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