apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
