Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
My Sexting was not on an AP level
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
