she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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