I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
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I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
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You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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