Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?