Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...