She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
