So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
where am i from again
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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