Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
