The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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