Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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