I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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