i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
