So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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