The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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