both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize