you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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