I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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