I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
