I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
