OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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