Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
