I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
