just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
