Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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