Someone shit on the floor
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
