i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
