The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
