can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
