i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
