just come out here and I will go home with you...
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
