O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
