now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
