So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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