does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Semen is not good for contacts.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
