I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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