i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
