morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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