The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Your penis caused this!
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