I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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