Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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