Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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