Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
