i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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