We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
