She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
