There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
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Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
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my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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