You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
